In the middle of 2011, I found myself in an ever-deepening depression. There was an enormous hole in my life, and all my potential happiness drained out from it. I tried filling that hole with waffles, Jesus, fried chicken, waffles and chicken, Jesus-fried waffles and chicken, but none of it worked. If anything, it got worse.
Eventually I got the point where I literally hit Rock bottom. Shocked and enraged, Dwayne Johnson heaved me into the air by my collar and slammed me into a nearby wall. I explained it was a misunderstanding. Disappointed, he let me go, and told me not to take expressions so literally.
Soon after, I figuratively hit rock bottom, which was much worse. I found myself in the Beyond section of Bed Bath and Beyond, overdosed on scented candles, a hair's-width from death, when I had a vision. The Man With One Glove appeared to me, grabbed his crotch and said, "Cha'mon! Weeeeee-hoo!". Inspired by my experience, I took His words to heart. But instead of following his sage advice, I started a 1980's video blog instead.
Now here I am, weeks, possibly decades later. My life still sucks, but now I have a blog, so there's that.
